How to Raise Inclusive Kids

Inclusion is a fundamental aspect of human psychology and social development. It goes beyond simply being present in a group; it's about feeling valued, respected, and understood for who you are. When individuals experience inclusion, they develop a profound sense of belonging; this enhances their motivation and fulfillment.

I often stress that inclusion begins at home. If we can build a sense of belonging, safety, trust, and understanding in our families, we’ll have the building blocks to build inclusivity in our workplaces and communities.

As a parent or someone with kids in your life, you play a critical role in shaping children's understanding of inclusion from an early age. Children learn social norms implicitly through observation and imitation. You can influence inclusive behaviors and values in their daily interactions.

1. Role Model Inclusion. One of the primary ways you can instill inclusive values in your children is by being mindful of the language you use around them. Language shapes perceptions and attitudes; examine the language you’re using. Does it respect the diversity of identities and experiences? Instead of reinforcing gender stereotypes by saying "boys and girls," opt for inclusive terms like "everyone" or "friends," for example.

It's also important to expose children to diverse experiences and perspectives. This includes diversifying your and their social circles, media consumption, and dinnertime conversations. By surrounding yourselves with different people and ideas, you can broaden your children's understanding of the world and cultivate empathy and respect for differences. Enthusiastically share your curiosity about the world with your kids. Tell your children why building a diverse group of friends is important: “We learn more from each other and build a richer life when we have a range of friends in our lives.”

2. Be prepared to educate your children about topics and identities they might find strange, new, or confusing. Point out that people are different, but that we have many similarities. Children encounter various people, cultures, and experiences as they grow and interact with the world around them. As parents, recognize that not all these experiences will be familiar or easily understood by your children. Encouraging open dialogue and curiosity about different cultures, languages, and abilities helps children develop empathy and understanding towards others. Talk openly about race, gender identity, sexual orientation, disabilities, and more. Provide an honest answer, ask them what they’d like to know, and if you don’t know the answer, say so. “Let me think about your question. I don’t have an answer right now, but I’d like to explore this.” Follow up afterward.

3. Discuss experiences of exclusion. One of the most powerful things you can do to build inclusive kids is to create a safe environment for children to discuss experiences of exclusion or marginalization. When you share your own experiences of being left out, from when you were a child or more recently, you make it safe to discuss the feelings of isolation and hurt, which accompany exclusion. Validating their feelings and providing support empowers children to navigate these challenges with resilience and compassion. To encourage ongoing dialogue, tell them, “I can understand why you’d feel that way.” “That was brave of you to share that with me.” With this, your children have compassionate language they can use with their friends, too. Through our own experiences of exclusion, we can better empathize with others who might feel excluded, and therefore be more aware of actively including others.

4. Don’t be too quick to rescue. While it's natural for parents like yourself to want to shield children from discomfort, it's important not to be too quick to rescue them from adversity. Allowing children to face challenges and learn from their mistakes fosters independence and self-confidence is important for inclusivity. My daughter struggled when people routinely mispronounced her name. I gently advised her that correcting and teaching people the correct pronunciation is okay. I was delighted when I overheard her telling her third-grade teacher, "You've been saying my name wrong. It's An-jah-LEE, not Aun-JA-lee. Can you try saying it the right way?"

Leading by example is perhaps the most powerful tool in promoting inclusion. Demonstrating inclusive behaviors and addressing conflicts respectfully and constructively, teaches children invaluable lessons in empathy, communication, and conflict resolution. Inclusion is an ongoing journey, not a destination. As children navigate social dynamics and encounter exclusion or discrimination, parents can equip them with the tools to challenge injustice and advocate for inclusivity. Whether witnessing a friend being excluded or experiencing discrimination themselves, parents can empower children to become agents of change by teaching them how to call people in and out on their behaviors and checking that their own behaviors are inclusive.