88 Reasons Why Your Partner Might Break Up With You

As we all know, whether or not to stay in a relationship can be one of the most difficult decisions. And, being broken up with and not knowing why that occurred can also be one of life's most difficult challenges. We often have a lot invested in a relationship, so it is no surprise that we find ourselves conflicted about whether or not to stay or go.

In a study by Apostolou (2022), the author set out to determine which behaviors are most likely to lead one to leave a relationship. These two studies shed some light on not only why you might leave but also on why someone may have left you. We all need clarity here, yes?

In study No. 1, 88 behaviors were identified that might have a negative effect on the sustainability of a relationship. The sample consisted of 233 Greek-speaking participants who were over the age of 18 and were both male and female. Demographic information and a survey were used to gather information. The participants were asked to identify what their partner might do that would lead them to question whether or not to leave the relationship. In study No. 2, 536 Greek-speaking participants who were male and female were asked to identify which of the 88 behaviors identified in study No. 1 might lead to questioning the viability of a relationship. The 88 behaviors fell under six factors which were: (For a full list of the 88 behaviors, please see the original article.)

1. Trying to control me

• Being pushy
• Restricting freedom
• Being jealous
• Offending me
• Being competitive with me.
• Trying to cut me off from my interests
• Being critical
• Constantly creating tensions
• Being manipulative
• Not including me in decision-making

2. Does not care about me

• Neglecting me
• Not paying attention to me
• Being distant
• Ignoring me
• Not trying to understand me
• Not respecting my needs
• Not feeling appreciated
• Being selfish
• Makes me feel unattractive
• Having a narcissistic attitude

3. Exhibits abusive behavior

• Curses a lot
• Yells at me
• Being rough
• Abuses substances
• Is frequently negative
• Is inappropriate socially
• Frequent whining
• Treats me badly

4. Shows interest in others

• Talking to ex
• Flirting
• Cheating on me
• Keeping secrets
• Lying
• Compares me to their ex

5. Has undesirable traits

• Stops taking care of themselves
• Putting on weight
• Lazy
• Not taking initiative
• Never does anything I ask for
• Being stingy

6. Does not treat children well

• Physically abuses me
• Doesn't take care of the children
• Doesn't spend time with the children
• Does not have appropriate parental behavior
• Takes advantage of me financially

The results of this study may or may not surprise you. The factors that were most likely to cause one to question a relationship were "not caring about me," "not treating our children well," and "trying to control me." The author suggests that these factors and behaviors show a reduced commitment to the relationship and to the family in general. The results also suggest the importance of feeling both cared for and having one's autonomy respected. The implications of the studies are very important in that they can serve as points of intervention for therapists who are working with struggling couples.

There are, however, some limitations of the studies. They need to be replicated across cultures. Additionally, individual differences such as personality, ability to function independently, attachment style, etc., should be taken into account. Individuals in different life circumstances with differing personalities and levels of social support might respond to the 88 behaviors differently. The author also suggests that longitudinal studies would be quite helpful in that the relationship between the six factors and relationship status could be examined over time.