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Loneliness
Fighting the Loneliness of Stroke
How to find ways to connect and create new bonds.
Posted October 28, 2020
Loneliness occurs when our relationships don’t fulfill our needs. It can occur whenever we feel unwanted or isolated. You don’t always have to be alone to experience loneliness; you can be in a room full of people and still feel this way.
Loneliness can occur when:
- We feel as though we don’t fit in.
- We don’t feel supported or have a connection with the people around us.
- We lose someone who is very important to us, such as our partner, a friend, or a family member.
- We are alone but desire the company of others.
Having some form of social support is extremely important to our sense of well-being. Persistent loneliness can lead to depression, anxiety, and an increased risk of other health problems.
How to Cope When You Feel Lonely
Loneliness can actually lead to more loneliness. If you feel as though you don’t fit in, it may make it more challenging for you to reach out to others. This can strengthen the feeling that you don’t fit in, which can cause you to feel even lonelier.
Feeling lonely is extremely difficult, but the reality is, it’s only a feeling, and the good news is that feelings can be changed. If you can find the will to challenge these feelings and begin to make changes in your life, it is possible to break the cycle of “loneliness thinking."
Ask yourself the following questions to explore your loneliness:
- Why am I feeling lonely?
- Am I isolating myself from others?
- Do I still feel lonely when I’m in the presence of people?
- Do I believe that no one understands me or my situation?
Analyzing the cause or causes of your feelings of loneliness can assist you in deciding where you need to make changes that can be the most beneficial. This isn’t always an easy task, so talking with a counselor or other professional can be helpful in navigating your way through this.
Try to avoid comparing yourself to others. This is a trap that is easy to fall into because it’s tempting to look at others and then feel left out. Remember, appearances can be deceiving. Social media is a prime example of this. People only share their best side, their happy moments—positive, idyllic pictures surrounded by friends and family. Even though they may be surrounded by people, it is only a momentary snapshot, and they could actually be feeling lonely at the time that picture was taken.
Change Takes Time and Work
It’s extremely common to feel lonely after a stroke. Your life has been turned upside-down. Personally, I went from a busy life, constantly interacting with people to a life where I spent most of my time at home alone. I was devastated and battled feelings of loneliness on a daily basis.
Try to consider your alone time as an opportunity. Perhaps pursue a hobby, work on your recovery, find a good book or audiobook, listen to music or podcasts. Make a list of things you can do to divert your attention away from the feelings of loneliness. Learn to value your own company.
Building Confidence
The feeling of not being as good as others is just a feeling. It’s not a fact. Building confidence is an ongoing process, and it takes time and a great deal of hard work.
Simply feeling comfortable in public places is extremely difficult after experiencing a stroke. You may feel as though others are judging you or feel overwhelmed by sensory overload. I had to start with short trips and only go to a small, relatively quiet coffee shop, for example, and then slowly work my way up to larger and busier environments. It took time and some failed experiences where I left in tears, frustrated, and beat down, but eventually, my confidence started to build.
It also takes time to build relationships. It can be frightening to initiate conversations or suggest opportunities to spend time with others, especially if things don’t go well, and your initiatives are rejected. Trust me; I’ve been there. It’s difficult not to take it personally, but this isn’t a reflection of your value or worth.
Making Social Connections
Although it may be difficult to meet with friends and family in person, phone calls, video chats, and other forms of communication can be an alternative. Look for groups or organizations that interest you, that have members that you can relate to, such as stroke survivor support groups or clubs that deal with interests that you have.
If you live in a remote area or have difficulty with transportation, this can be a challenge, unfortunately, but online support groups now exist and are an option if attending in person is not possible. They allow you to connect with others around the world who are facing similar challenges. I have met many people this way, and we even video chat sometimes. However, always be cautious as we all know the dangers of the internet.
Try giving back. Perhaps volunteering and contributing to your community. This can help to make you feel good and improve your sense of self-worth, and the interactions can help build connections with new people.
Even though you are feeling lonely in the moment, this does not mean you will always feel this way. You have something to offer, and it’s all about finding ways to connect and create new bonds.
