The Consequences of Self-Talk, When It Is Negative

Source: Alli Spotts-De Lazzer

Many of us use self-talk to inspire and improve ourselves. Yet the typically harsh, punishing approach often backfires (for example, Loser!). Research has repeatedly linked self-criticism to various mental disorders and life stressors—ranging from social anxiety and depression to relationship difficulties (Werner and colleagues, 2019).

An antidote to intense self-criticism may well be self-compassion (treating your suffering with humanity). For example, a 2022 review revealed that compassion-focused therapies can increase the ability to self-soothe (Vidal and Soldevilla). For those with negative self-talk in overdrive, humanity given to yourself can be a needed balance that might enhance your performance.

Self-disclosure

As a therapist, I don’t typically share my clients’ stories. But I can share my own experience with self-criticism and self-compassion.

I recall that self-criticism used to get in my way often. Sometimes, it froze my ability to pivot in the moment as needed. Other times, it made me feel edgy, reactive, and raw (not great for social relationships or moods).

On reflection, I also recognize that my physical health took a hit, too. For example, it’s been decades since I have had an asthma attack. I used to go to the emergency room for breathing treatments fairly often. I believe many of those physical difficulties were cued by the stress I put on myself as a self-critical perfectionist.

Once I learned to give myself more self-compassion, my drive to accomplish continued, but it felt better and different. For example, when curveballs came (as they do in projects and life), I could manage them with increased flexibility. I could take action from a bigger picture versus a self-critical, fear-based perspective.

And for those who may wonder if having self-compassion lowered my actual standards, please don't get me wrong. I still have strong (high) standards. However, treating myself more humanely makes those bars easier to strive for, reach, and experience—and way easier than negative self-talk ever allowed.

New study

A couple of weeks ago, a new review was published: “A Meta-Analysis of Disordered Eating and Its Association with Self-Criticism and Self-Compassion” by Paranjothy and Wade in the International Journal of Eating Disorders (2024). The research drives home the idea of self-compassion as a healing factor.

According to the paper (Paranjothy and Wade, 2024), self-compassion seems to be a potential antidote to the harmful level of self-criticism often linked with disordered eating (which many people engage in) and eating disorders (which disordered eating might develop into). For example, one of the ways an eating disorder can emerge is when disordered eating tips to an extreme. It usually does so without the person’s awareness.

Eating disorders are difficult to heal disorders with high mortality rates. However, the public significance statement of the review reads as follows: “Higher levels of self-criticism are linked with higher levels of DE [disordered eating] and lower self-compassion. Self-compassion interventions could be more effective and efficient in reducing ED [eating disorder] symptoms if self-criticism is tackled early in such treatments" (Paranjothy and Wade, 2024). That’s huge since the field still doesn’t have extremely successful treatments.

Self-Talk Essential Reads

Why Letting Go of the Inner Critic Is Such a Struggle

How to Quiet Our Negative Self-Talk

Science has already highlighted the potential for self-compassion to mitigate various struggles. Further, there’s an existing notion that self-compassion may even “immunize individuals from developing psychological problems” (Muris and Otgaar, 2023). Now add self-compassion, which might balance or even eclipse the pathological effects of negative self-talk that serve as maintaining factors for disordered eating and eating disorders. That’s significant and seems hopeful for both the treatment and prevention of disordered eating and eating disorders.

Takeaways

Self-criticism might seem to fuel your performance. However, it can have many drawbacks.

If you wonder if your negative self-talk might be causing you issues, perhaps reach out to a therapist. Or check out books and workbooks based on self-compassion research and interventions. Heck, experiment and notice your thoughts. If they’re bashing you (for example, stupid or dummy), you might have intense levels of negative self-talk and could benefit from higher levels of self-compassion.

Wherever you can tolerate incorporating more realistic, self-compassionate attitudes, the result may surprise you. I used to worry that if I wasn’t hard on myself, I’d “fall asleep in my mashed potatoes,” a saying my grandmother instilled in me. But nope. That didn't happen as I developed my ability for self-compassion and self-soothing.

If you might be super self-critical or even a self-critical perfectionist, maybe self-compassion interventions can help you to appropriately, skillfully, and helpfully chill out your negative self-talk. This could be a beneficial experiment to try. See what might happen!

This column is for informational purposes only and does not provide therapy or professional advice.