I Love My Job, but I Hate My Boss

It has been said that your job is only as good as your boss. We’ve all been there: working efficiently and creatively in a system until everything changes due to a new boss or new management structure. These changes may be related to unrealistically heavy workloads or may reflect an authoritarian approach, such as issuing mandatory meetings or other activities that take time away from the work that needs to be done. The new boss may be a micromanager, indecisive, or non-communicative. There are changes in how and where one works, e.g., moving from a fully remote position to demands by management to fully return to the office or a hybrid work schedule that demolishes work-life balance. Suddenly, the dream job becomes a nightmare.

Meaningful work is important to psychological well-being.

The psychological impact of losing meaningful and energizing work is substantial. Work occupies a large portion of our lives. Indeed, the number of hours and years most full-time employed adults are occupied by their employment may be among the highest of their waking activities. Beyond the actual employment itself, work is an essential component that not only meets financial needs but is often a primary element in satisfying emotional needs and core to self-esteem and sense of self. The passion one brings to work is intrinsically related to the core need to feel valued and essential.

Daniel Pink (2009), in his book Drive, makes this point that the 21st-century workplace is one where old-school “carrot and sticks” or extrinsic motivators, such as rewards and punishment, do not work in the long run. Intrinsic motivation, wherein the person’s buy-in and commitment comes from deriving satisfaction from work, is powerful. Pink identifies three core elements that enhance intrinsic motivation. The first is autonomy: the ability to control when and how you work. The second is mastery: the ability to have work that enhances growth and competence. The third is meaning: work that promotes a sense of purpose. Feeling valued adds rather than subtracts from work productivity.

Nothing kills motivation like a bad boss.

Nothing destroys intrinsic motivation more than a micromanaging boss or one who simply ignores or torpedoes your ideas. Such management methods take away freedom, and, in turn, innovation and creativity are lost. Pink argues that 21st-century work environments that promote autonomy, mastery, and meaning are not counter to but actually enhance productivity. Ignoring or minimizing the needs of employees can be more problematic and expensive in the long run. It can lead to a cascading loss of morale and, paradoxically, the attrition of the most dedicated employees.

Jack Kelly, a Forbes Magazine senior contributor, articulates ways individuals can become better managers (Forbes, 2019). He advocates that they be transparent and ask their team members how they want to be managed. Informing the team of what is expected of them in terms of goals and objectives, as well as other necessary criteria, is essential in fostering an understanding of the employee’s role and achieving success. He also advocates that managers not only hold themselves to the same expectations as those of the employees but also meet even higher expectations. Acknowledging good work demonstrates an appreciation of the employee and reinforces positivity. Pink notes that employee satisfaction occurs when managers involve people in their goals, reduce controlling language, and have an open-door policy.

What makes a bad boss?

Two of the most likely variables that can negatively influence an employee’s job satisfaction are the personality characteristics and actions of the manager. Bad bosses may have some or all of these characteristics:

• Micromanages or doesn’t give the worker any guidance
• Has either very high expectations of the worker or almost none at all
• Is not responsive to the worker’s needs nor interested in hearing them
• Plays favorites among the workers
• Is more interested in their own career than that of their subordinates
• Is very rigid and unlikely to change their mind or behavior
• Has no or poor interpersonal skills
• Is timid and will not “go to bat” for the employee in need
• Believes it’s “their way or the highway”

The truth is that some individuals who do not have the necessary interpersonal skills to be effective leaders are promoted to such positions. Some managers may be “people pleasers” and become ineffective in terms of advocacy for their employees to their bosses. Such situations can lead to the manager acquiescing to work changes that create stress for the employee and paradoxically reduce their productivity. Other managers may “talk the talk” of transparency, promoting psychological safety and open communication, but when a crisis arises, they operate in a manner that is opposite to their articulated values. Still others are naturally authoritarian in their interactions, and their management style is to do what promotes their self-interest.

None of these approaches are hallmarks of a good leader. What does, as organizational experts have found, are leaders who are authentic, transparent in their communications, and whose actions reflect those values. The relationship between a manager and the worker does not have to be “warm and fuzzy” to encourage a positive relationship and good work. Rather, it is more critical that the parties respect one another and acknowledge that they both have roles in fostering positive outcomes for themselves and their place of employment.

The psychological costs of enduring a bad boss

Bad bosses are not rare. Some people are fortunate to be employed in a workplace where they not only enjoy their job but have a good rapport with their manager. Unfortunately, many employees experience problems with their manager.

One of the hallmarks of job satisfaction is contributing to the workplace and feeling valued. Working under conditions where one’s manager does not acknowledge good work nor offer feedback on how the employee can make improvements can reinforce feeling undervalued. This is particularly important because most jobs, in and of themselves, can foster anxiety and stress.

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There are a number of reasons people endure bad bosses:

• They need the job
• They enjoy what they do at work and their fellow co-workers
• They don’t want to “rock the boat” and possibly experience further difficulties
• They don’t want to be known as a “troublemaker”
• They may believe that they have no other recourse

Consequently, the worker continues to endure unsatisfactory and upsetting emotions, which can spill over and impact their health and interpersonal relationships with others in their life. Because of these possibilities, job satisfaction is one of the most crucial factors influencing positive mental and physical health. Experiencing challenges at work is often expected and accepted—perhaps because of the belief that it will have a positive effect on one’s continued development and self-worth.

Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization) is related to motivation and feeling fulfilled (Maslow, 1943). Their order, going from bottom to top, begins with the most basic or fundamental needs and continues upward, reflecting more abstract and psychological needs. Maslow viewed the second need, “safety,” as including, among other needs, “personal security” and “employment.” Moreover, feeling safe and secure in one’s job is also important: that is, feeling supported by management adds to feelings of safety.

What to do when a job becomes a nightmare?

Enduring a bad boss for an extended period of time can take a toll. That there is a negative psychological and physical impact from a toxic work environment is not news. There may be realistic limits on when and how one can exit such a situation. However, as the psychological literature on self-efficacy has demonstrated, pivoting to action in situations that appear out of our control can help counteract helplessness.

That process can start by reaching out to trusted individuals to brainstorm an exit strategy, writing out possible options for employment, or determining how one’s skill set can be applied to other organizations. What is important is to acknowledge the situation, not to bury one’s head in the sand, hoping that things will change. Such passivity and inaction do not change the work situation; they only create a negative impact on one’s sense of control over one’s life. Learned helplessness, as psychologists have found, is a mindset. Merely looking for the “solution out” changes one’s psychology from helpless to hopeful. In turn, it stimulates action and opens opportunity.