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Neurodiversity
The Neurodiverse: Feeling Safe Being Me
A Personal Perspective: Prolonged social masking can negatively affect a person.
Posted February 1, 2024 Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Walking out of an international conference presentation; an audience member catches me by the door and praises me for an exceptional and dynamic lecture. “You’re so personable and vulnerable with the audience! Thank you! I got so much out of this.” I nod politely but eye the exit.
Breaking away, I quickly walk to my hotel room and change into comfy clothes, draw the blackout curtains, turn off anything making noise, and wrap myself tightly in heavy blankets.
My socially lauded performance as a knowledgeable professor is done. Now, I will spend the next six hours alone, processing the previous events and recharging. As I lie there, I think to myself, “How dynamic would people perceive me right now?”
In private, the professor's mask drops away, and the face of my autism emerges.
Social camouflaging is an intricate form of impression management. In various autism literature, camouflaging refers to strategies used by autistic people to mask or hide the social difficulties they may face daily. Autistics are trying to blend in, not stand out.
Some of the strategies I employ include using social scripts learned by prolonged observation of others, copying the dress, clothing styles, and movements of my peers, and imitating or taking on the personas of popular culture examples of normalcy.
In many ways, social camouflaging can be read as akin to the performative fandom practice of cosplaying, where fans dress up as a favorite character and inhabit their movements and persona, essentially becoming the socially recognized entity.
The better the performance of the cosplayer, the more accepted they will be as that character. It’s not only the surface-level appearance that receives accolades, but it is more so the deeper level of performing the movements and embodying the attitudes and characteristics of a popular visual culture entity that receives the most acceptance.
Let me be clear, most autistics typically engage in masking when we are aware of our social differences and want to blend in and be seen as a neurotypical persona, and not be noticed or bullied. To the autistic, it is not lying or deceptive, but rather a performance of socially acceptable behaviors that may assuage any perceived harm for being recognized as different.
The better the mask and the better the performance of normal, the better chance I will make it through the day without being dismissed, diminished, or depressed. Am I doing it to deceive you? No. Am I doing it because I have a lifetime of experience of being bullied for who I am? Yes.
What some may not know about autistic masking is that besides it being a defense mechanism from bullying, it is also incredibly exhausting, and prolonged masking can negatively affect an autistic. Putting all my effort into appearing normal, adopting and portraying those looks and movements takes all of my valuable energy.
To be honest, I’m tired. I’m tired of the need to be seen as something other than what I am. I’m physically and mentally tired of my constant impression management just to be socially accepted.
Consider this my unmasking.
There are several reasons why I am sharing this information. Besides awareness, I want society to be a better ally for encouraging autistics’ unmasking by providing safe, empathic, and affirming spaces for neurodivergent behaviors.
These spaces are needed because not only does masking often explain a tendency for late-life diagnosis or no autistic diagnosis, but it can also contribute to “physical exhaustion, psychological burnout, depression, anxiety, and even suicide ideation,” as Devon Price mentions in their 2022 book "Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity: Unmasking Autism."
As a university professor, I would be remiss if I did not mention that as more students are diagnosed with neurodiversity, educators need to understand some of the various coping mechanisms that their students may use to hide their neurotypes to avoid detection and mistreatment.
Recognizing masking will help educators understand that their students may be struggling way more than they are allowing anyone to know. Successful masking by neurodivergents may also lead to educators not believing a student needs accommodations and withholding valuable or necessary assistance. This is unacceptable and potentially harmful.
Like all autistics, I want to feel safe in my own being. I want to be an autistic researcher, teacher, and scholar and be accepted as such, without a necessary performance. Let’s create a society where autistics can unmask without real fear of harm or bullying.
