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It was certainly boring. To restore mobility after breaking my back, a physical therapist told me to walk around the house with a walker for 40 minutes, a few times a day. “Forty minutes is the average length of the talks you give,” she said. “So let’s start this training.”
Around and around. The walker in front of me and the smooth wooden floors beneath me. I kept looking at the clock. Only 15 minutes? Still 25 minutes to go. Push. Push. Walk. Walk. Over-the-counter pain meds. Around and around.
One day I walked by a mirror and saw a woman hunched over a walker. It occurred to me that I had bad posture and that, in fact, I had always had bad posture. It was time to change it. And I had several times 40 minutes a day to do it. It would relieve the boredom.
Easier said than done. I corrected my posture by telling myself, “Stand up straight.” It lasted for a minute or two and then my monkey mind hopped to other things. I took charge and reminded my back about posture. I straightened up for a few minutes and then the monkey got busy again.
As I began to hold my spine erect for longer periods, the back pain started. It was resistant to over-the-counter meds. I asked the physical therapist if it was worth changing my posture if it caused such pain. “Unfortunately, the answer is yes.” She brought over a plastic model of a spine to show me. “Most people think the vertebrae are in back. But look how the spine curves so the vertebrae are actually in front. If you have poor posture it compresses the vertebrae. Stand up straight and you are not compressing them.”
Around and around. Accepting there was pain because those poor muscles and tendons and nerves were being asked to change after decades of being in a different position. And change is painful.
Finally, after weeks with me and my walker doing the house circuit, I caught a glimpse of a woman in the mirror who was standing up straight for the first time in her life. It gave her more confidence. She looked taller. She was proud of the discipline it took to get there.
But then, on another round, I saw that the same woman with a straight had shoulders that were raised up or hunched forward. Once again I asked the physical therapist if it was worth it to change that too. She said it definitely was.
More spring-like weather arrived, and I started walking outdoors. It was much more tiring when I traded smooth wooden floors for sand, gravel, concrete, AstroTurf, and grass. My walker bumped along and I found it hard to remember to keep my shoulders down. The pain of change was intense, and it hard to remember to stop hunching forward and raising my shoulders. I tried to tell myself to bring my shoulder blades together. I had plenty of pain but little gain. I began to get depressed. The whole posture thing seemed hopeless.
“Forget about bringing your shoulder blades together. Just walk heart first.” The PT’s words resonated with me immediately. Yes. Heart first. A good way to walk and a good way to live.
I am gradually weaning myself from my walker to a cane and hopefully I will soon be walking on my own. I still have the pain of resistant shoulders but it is less. And I permit myself to take a rest stop or two during my walks outside.
My neighbor texted me and thanked me for inspiring him to stand up straight. My husband is correcting his own posture.
“Heart first,” I remind them. And of course I keep reminding myself as well. Those two words are making all the difference.
