In the Name of Love

A Philosopher Looks at Our Deepest Emotions

Aaron Ben-Zeév is President and Professor of Philosophy at the University of Haifa. His books include: In the Name of Love: Romantic Ideology and its Victims. See full bio

November 6, 2009

Darling, Should I Cry Over Spilled Milk?

Are emotional attitudes such as love liable to harbor regrets or dwell on past alternatives or what might have been? Intellectual considerations assume that this would constitute a waste of time and resources, but lovers quite often do experience regret or mourn lost romantic opportunities. Is there any sense in doing this? Should we sometimes cry over spilled milk? Read More

October 30, 2009

Darling, Do You Really Want To Reject Me?

Romantic Ideology describes the best case scenario of love that only very few people will ever experience-a passionate love that lasts forever. A more common experience in the romantic realm is that of separation, which is often interpreted as rejection. The essential role of love in our life, and our profound personal involvement in love, makes such separation very painful. Read More

October 23, 2009

What Do We Really Desire?

There are many aspects influencing our romantic desires, some of which relate to personality characteristics and others to circumstantial factors. In this post I would like to focus upon two major aspects-the aspect of attainability and the aspect of the reality of what we desire. With regard to this issue, there are two prevailing claims: a) our desire is greater when the object is real and attainable; (b) our desire is greater when the object is imaginary and unattainable. Which claim is correct? Do we desire the one we have more than we desire the one we imagine having? Read More

October 16, 2009

Superficial Joys and Profound Happiness

We can distinguish between two types of experiences that are referred to as "happiness": one is the transitory emotion of joy and the other is the profound sentiment of happiness. In a somewhat similar manner, we can speak about the transitory emotion of erotic joy and the sentiment of profound love. Although it is the profound experiences for which we typically look, in most cases these profound experiences require the presence of superficial joys. However, having those superficial joys does not ensure the generation of profound happiness and love. Read More

October 2, 2009

Compromising on Passion or on Companionship

In many instances, people are confronted by the need to decide between two major types of romantic compromises when deciding on which partner they should select. These compromises involve compromising on passion or compromising on companionship. The abundance of opportunities to engage in passionate romantic love affairs means that the number of people who are ready to live without such passion is steadily decreasing. Read More

September 25, 2009

Darling, Are You Suspicious of Me?

Jealousy stems from the desire to be "favored" in some respect and the fear that one is not. Suspicious jealousy is a type of jealousy, which is not based on the actual deeds of our partner, but merely on our state of mind. This type of jealousy is hard to bear as we are not sure what the real situation is and the optimal course of action is unclear. Read More

September 18, 2009

Darling, Should I Try To Improve You?

Should we try to improve our beloved? Doing so involves two major characteristics of romantic love: (a) being in love implies loving the person as she is and not wanting to change her, and (b) loving means caring and the wish to improve the situation of the beloved. Those two characteristics are not always compatible. Read More

September 11, 2009

Darling, Do You Take Your Love Seriously?

A few months after the start of his relationship with his girlfriend, a man told her, "I love you, darling," to which she replied, "That is a very serious statement; you should think it over." He responded, "My love is certainly serious, but I do not have to think about it, because it feels so natural to me." Is love a serious emotion? And if so, how should it be expressed? Read More

August 28, 2009

Loving Too Much

Love is morally desirable as it entails profound care for another person. It is hard to see how such positive care can be criticized. Nevertheless, people do criticize lovers and especially those whose love appears to be excessive. Can one tell one's beloved that he loves her too much? Read More

August 22, 2009

Darling, How Should We Resolve Our Conflicts?

There are various activities that we use for coping with conflicts in our romantic relationships. These activities range from one-sided activities, such as coercion and surrender, to the most interactive ones, such as compromise and complementation. I suggest that compromise and complementation are the most useful manners of conflict resolution in romantic relationships. Read More

Books by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D.

In the Name of Love: Romantic Ideology and Its Victims

Love Online: Emotions on the Internet

The Subtlety of Emotions

Relationships Basics

Love is the most profound emotion known to human beings. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish.

Go to the Relationships Basics page for more on Relationships including:

Current Issue

Everyday Creativity

How to start living creatively and reap the benefits.

Subscribe to In the Name of Love

Books by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D.

Relationships Basics

Current Issue