Verified by 
Key points
- False memories usually can be ignored as you redirect your loved one to another topic of conversation.
- People commonly falsely remember that they are still working or that they attended an event that they didn’t.
- If a false memory is frightening to your loved one, reassure, comfort, and redirect them.
I was recently called by a patient’s daughter in distress. The daughter explained how her mother told her the story of how she was bound, gagged, taken to a secret location, and held for ransom. It wasn’t clear how the kidnappers had broken into her locked memory care unit, how they left with her, or how she was returned. But her mother was entirely convinced that this happened and, understandably, was very upset by it.
As I touched on briefly in a prior post, false memories are very common in dementia. Your loved one’s faulty memory may lead them to remember all sorts of things that are not true, such as thinking that they are still working when they retired many years ago, believing that their parents are still alive when they are long since deceased, and thinking that you have been gone for hours when you just stepped out for 10 minutes. They may also confuse things that happened to someone else with things that happened to them—maybe even something that they saw on television! (This latter situation is likely what happened to the patient above: She confused events she saw on television with her own life.)
The best advice I can give if your loved one is having false memories is to not fight them or even try to correct them unless they are distressing. If, after watching a travel program, your loved one thinks that they took a trip to Venice even though they have never been to Italy, don’t bother correcting them—let them enjoy the fantasy. If they falsely remember that a family member—now deceased—is going to come pick them up and take them “home,” you might want to simply reassure them and redirect them to another activity or topic of conversation.
Sometimes your loved one may mix up memories and become convinced that someone who loves them did something hurtful to them, when it actually isn’t true at all. They may become upset when they see the person because of this false memory. In these circumstances, the 4Rs may be helpful: Reconsider the situation from their point of view, relax as you reassure them that whatever it is it isn’t true, and then redirect them to another activity or topic. Have the individual who is “accused” of doing the hurtful thing spend time with your loved one doing enjoyable activities. Because emotional memory is relatively preserved in dementia, they may soon develop a good feeling about the person and stop remembering their false memory.
Now my mother is having false memories—she tells me she spoke to her parents last night, but they’ve been dead for 30 years! Should I correct her and tell her she’s wrong?
No. Unless there is some reason to correct her, it’s best to just ignore the false memory and redirect her to another activity or topic of conversation.
© Andrew E. Budson, MD, 2024, all rights reserved.
References
Budson AE, O’Connor MK. Seven Steps to Managing Your Aging Memory: What’s Normal, What’s Not, and What to Do About It, New York: Oxford University Press, 2023.
Budson AE, O’Connor MK. Six Steps to Managing Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia: A Guide for Families, New York: Oxford University Press, 2022.
Budson AE, Solomon PR. Memory Loss, Alzheimer’s Disease, & Dementia: A Practical Guide for Clinicians, 3rd Edition, Philadelphia: Elsevier Inc., 2022.
